A Personal Experience

The Parable of the Answering Machine

A man woke up one morning and wanted to start his day with making phone calls on his to-do-list. Surprise: No matter who he called, he got nothing more than an answering machine. As he went on his way he made every effort to start conversations, but no matter how hard he tried, he was unable to get beyond the usual "Hello, how are you--I am fine, how are you--Good-bye." He finished the day with an incredible feeling of isolation--Why, oh why can't I have a real response?

That night he awoke from a dream and in that dream, he was at a party. But no matter what he wanted to say, his own words sounded like a generic voice mail message. It was déjà vu – he heard himself saying the same things again and again and again. He thought: Am I nothing more than an answering machine? And are the people talking to me nothing more than voice mails set to an automatic response?

He went back to sleep. When he woke up again, he realized that his was a world of voice mails and answering machines. Everyone he heard and all that was said was prerecorded. It was a livable reality, comfortable, safe and secure as that of cattle grazing in a meadow.

And yet, it was not the peaceful, natural life of cows in a pasture. It was a robotic existence suspended in an electromechanical web of endless recorded messages.

He realized that his life had been little more than that dream, and that it was a dream he was saying good-bye to. He knew that now he was at the beginning of a journey of heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul communication.

Why Life Does Not Begin at Conception

Why Life Does Not Begin at Conception

Does a sperm have to be alive before it can fertilize an egg? Of course it does. Only live sperms can propel themselves forward to reach an egg. As for the egg, a dead egg cannot be fertilized. So whatever happens, life had already begun before conception.

True enough, when a sperm joins an egg, the combining of two DNA systems form a new entity, which is a plan, a layout for a new human existence. OK, but is this enough to qualify for the definition of a human being? Is a body without a head or a head without brain a human being? Is a humanoid embryonic miniature without a brain already a human being? The seed of a cherry tree once in the ground is not yet a tree because it does not have the components that define a tree. Indeed, in terms of human life a functioning brain is an essential defining element. Where the definition of death used to be the stoppage of the heart, it is now defined as the moment at which brain activity has ceased.

Basically, an embryo in its early stages is nothing more than a fertilized egg. One could claim that the fertilized egg contains the soul of a future hen or rooster, but in order for the soul to get from the great beyond to the here-on-earth, the soul passes through many steps of implantation such as fertilization, growth, hatching etc., and it would be absurd to claim the soul has a “right” to go from one stage to the next. Any acts on the part of human beings that promote or impede growth are part of the greater picture in which it is decided where and how far any given soul might travel.

No one would claim that anyone eating a fertilized egg for breakfast is eating a chicken. Would disposing of an egg that might contain an almost-hatched chicken mean the “killing of a chicken?” Animal rights activists might label the destruction of a chicken embryo murder because an animal's life is terminated. While we might never ever solve the puzzle of what came first, the chicken or the egg, it is generally understood that a chicken is not an egg, nor is an egg a chicken. Similarly, determining when an embryo becomes a real human being is not altogether different from drawing the boundaries between the chicken and the egg, so let us beware of being bludgeoned by the so-called “pro-life” bullies.

How I Got to my Spiritual Perspective

(This is a long overdue answer to Art Clarke's comment to my post of October 9, 2007.)

It's been a long process in the making. I remember as a child people celebrating Hitler's birthday and celebrating it as a national holiday. I remember one day suddenly hearing everyone celebrating the fact that the Fuehrer, God's representative on earth, being referred to as an s.o.b. who had just gone away. I remember being in awe of the gold ornaments, powerful organ music and great smell of incense during a Catholic high mass. I remember going to confession as a boy in grade school and the priest taking a keen interest in my sexual awakening.

I remember discovering my Jewish ancestry when I turned fourteen. I remember feeling hurt hearing a priest maligning Jews in a sermon. I remember saying good-bye to Catholicism and feeling incredibly liberated by my departure. I remember seeing the world as “absurd” when I became an existentialist. I remember having a new look at the world through psychedelic trips. I remember becoming aware of how often people do harm to others in the name of religion. I remember discovering an incredible calm through Subud exercises.

I remember becoming aware of a greater reality that is deep in one's being as well as in the outer world. I discovered I had found access to a sensory awareness I had not known existed. I found a calling to observe what and why people think and do whatever they do. I came to the realization that people create a divinity they feel is real, and that they lead their lives in accordance with that creation.

More on Coaching

Often people are stuck in a workplace or in a dysfunctional relationship, or they cannot decide what career path to take. Or there may be other issues such as finance, ones environment or health. Finding ways for a change may not be easy because habits keep one from being open to new experiences or looking for new paths. Having a life/relationship coach at your side makes it easier to see the bigger picture. You begin to see things in yourself or in your world that you have never noticed. You discover your true vision in life. You learn to draw on abilities you may not have known you had, and you learn to shape your inner and outer environment in accordance with your personal values. Your coach is there to help you discover that what looked like a wasteland can become a world of abundance.

What is Life Coaching?

The term "coaching" is most readily associated with sports. Let's take prizefighting as an example. Becoming a successful prizefighter requires a natural talent which includes an ability to use ones arms for hitting and warding off a challenger's attacks and an ability to “dance” in the ring in such a way as to outmaneuver the other. The coach sees what the boxer's natural talent is. The boxer is then trained to observe what works especially well and what does not, and to exchange losing ways and movements for winning ones.

A life coach, just as a prizefighter's coach, is not his client's therapist or medical doctor. It is the coach's work to make the client better and better at what he is and what he wants to accomplish. The life coach, after finding out what his client needs and wants, helps his client to find and use his own natural talents to become a master in any arena of the “boxing ring of life."

Needless to say, not all are meant to become prizefighters. Many are drawn to be fishermen, gardeners or who-knows-what other calling. Through the coaching process the client finds out whether or not he/she is on the right path in life and then learns how to find fulfillment in his/her chosen direction.

As a life coach, how do I see the world?

Is There a God? If So, What Is He/She/It?

Most if not all human beings have a view of how the universe is organized. This includes that which happens in the observable world as well as a construct of that which cannot be seen or directly observed.

The worldview of most religions assumes that what is and what happens in “this world” are the result of laws and events of another world that ultimately rules the observable through messengers and prophets as appear in scriptures such as the Old and New Testaments and the Koran. Punishment and reward are given in accordance to the degree that the member of the religious group follows rules. “Good deeds” are rewarded whereas “evil deeds” are punished. As there is a lot of evidence that many “an evil”person has died a natural death without what would be considered adequate punishment according to a given religion, many religions teach that good and evil deeds will be rewarded and punished in an afterlife. It is thus that religions provide a system that fulfills the human need for order and justice.

Is There a “Hand of God” That Intervenes?

To the traditionally religious, God/Allah is the source of inspiration of all that is good and Satan is the source of inspiration of all that is bad. The position of traditional/ fundamentalist religions generally is to condemn, devalue or ignore all that is outside of the given sphere of their influence. Even if someone outside of the major traditions has an inspiration to invent something that benefits all of humanity, it is generally considered to be something that is not from God because blessings are given only to true believers, that is members of the given religion. The rest of the universe is thus seen as having no positive contact with God even though the Devil, God’s subordinate, is everywhere.

Putting aside the claim on the part of major religions that they hold a monopoly on God and their view of the world is the correct one, can one justify anyone’s claim that there is “something out there” that decides what is good and bad, right and wrong on earth and in the visible universe? Is there such a thing as a spiritual entity that observes, judges and intervenes in human affairs?

Confirmed atheists cringe at the very thought of a superior spiritual entity with power and intelligence. They see it only as an attempt to structure another authoritarian god under a new mantle. Is it simply one more try to assume the presence of a being, whose only proof of existence is “faith?” A “leap of faith” can be taken in any direction, whether it means immersion into the peaceful practices of Quakers or the right-wing Christian fundamentalists’ way of the sword. With this consideration, “faith” can justify all or nothing and its value is ultimately determined by human judgment.

What Is “Spiritual?”

Is there such a thing as “spiritual?” The acknowledgment that there is lies in the word inspiration. Inspiration refers to a receiving from a source outside of our normal behavioral pattern. It means something that has as yet not materialized, so it is “spiritual” by default. Inspiration is a process of transforming elements of the unkown into the known. And how is the unknown accessed? Through putting together the jigsaw puzzle of what is already discovered and an intuitive tapping of the as yet undiscovered. And what is the undiscovered? Unknown systems of energy and matter await being discovered by human beings who seek to uncover and comprehend that which is secret and not yet understood. One can make an a priori assumption that the universe is greater than life as it is already known because.it contains both the discovered as well as the as-yet-to-be discovered. And just as there is unknown matter to be found, it stands to reason that it is likely that there are as-yet-hidden energy systems.

Can Humans Connect to a Supreme Being?

So what is the human being’s path of access to that which is greater? Is it permissible to refer to that “which is greater” as God? Freedom of thought permits any and all structures of cognizance. Someone who chooses a god of jealousy and anger as the key to reality will have inpirations in accordance with that key. Someone who chooses a god of love and peace will be inspired in ways that resonate with that belief. And one who holds that whatever it is can never really be known will be inspired in accordance to his agnostic nature.

In terms of organized religion this writer is a Unitarian Universalist and as such takes the right to affirm or deny any theological assertion. As to my convictions regarding the unknown, one may characterize it as an intuitive, mystical agnosticism.

An Insight into Relationships

What keeps people locked into a bad relationship?

Have you ever broken up with someone with whom you have had an argumentative relationship over a period of time? You feel “thank God, what a relief! I can now live in peace!” And you feel that having left the toxic relationship behind, you are liberated from the pain you were experiencing.

Then some time later you decide to touch base with that same person because you assume that meeting with him/her won’t be a problem. But then there is a surprise: you suddenly find yourself locked into the same patterns of dispute. It is as though no time at all has lapsed, and the same-old, same-old has not changed. What happened?

You need to realize that relationships have their patterns, in which you and your partner exchange cues to which you have an automatic response. Such a cue can be an irritating word or phrase to which your partner responds with a counter-punch, which then becomes a cue for you to do the same, and lo and behold you are back in the same scenario you thought you had gotten out of.

Is there a basic mechanism that drives dysfunctional relationships?

Painful relationships always have a pattern of knee-jerk reactions that do nothing more than keep the participants locked into whatever the pattern is. For example one partner says to the other “You are always contradicting what I say.” The second partner then defends him/herself with a counter-accusation, setting off a never-ending repartee of blame. The funny thing is that each time a battle begins, the two who are in it act as though it were a brand new fight, each one believing that victory is just around the corner. An experienced observer, however, knows that as much as these battles repeated there is never a victory.

Is there a way to escape from the scenario other than leaving the relationship?

Yes, there is. The partners in the relationship know how to play their roles because they have played them again and again, but oddly enough they don’t really know the nature of their script. A good relationship coach will be able to identify the scenario and help clients see what cues they are getting and/or giving and how they are responding. Once the cues have been recognized the client can then work with options for removing or exchanging them and open the door to creative, positive experiences.

How do you do it?

Working with a good life/relationship coach will allow you to see your situation from angles you may not have known existed. Understanding what is happening leads to a new freedom through which you have new choices. If you want to know more, you can contact me at m.hroth465@yahoo.com.